| 23 February 2010
Dear Yana,
I looked through the Midsumma and Mardi Gras guide and I can't find a lot of lesbian shows or events. Am I missing something?
Gay
No you're not missing anything, you're noticing something. You've just discovered that the GLBTIQ community is actually run by the first letter in the queer alphabet, G, which stands for, Gee – who the fuck made men in charge? Flick through any GLBTIQ festival guide around the world and the ratio male to female events are 10 to 2. You see, men make money, especially if they're dressed like women. Audiences eat up gay male culture, even the general public can stomach a gay man, but not a dyke. The general opinion there is 'That’s just weird, what do they do?'
Fully shaved man-on-man action is only one goal away from an AFL final; but no one likes to imagine two flannel-clad, spiky-haired dykes getting their 'freak on' on their floral pull-out sofa in the comfort of their suburban home. I mean, it just doesn't sell unless a man can imagine that he could somehow be involved sexually – and believe me, a lot of men watch the AFL.
Let's get the facts straight. If you're a gay woman, you are a minority within your own community. Never get sexuality confused with politics. Who you fuck has nothing to do with how you think. In fact, if we thought less about who we fucked and more about who we fucked over by not thinking, the world would be a much sexier and more liberated place to live. I'd like to leave you with a poem.
A Poem For Gay Men Who Hate Women By Yana Alana
Here's a little fact for you, there is no fact finer
The fact is a fact, it's a fact and that fact is...
You came from a VAGINA!
Dear Yana,
I noticed recently that Hey Hey it’s Saturday is back on television. Why is it back? I mean, after last year’s 'black face' debacle are you surprised it's back to stay?
Maid Up
Why is Hey Hey back? Let me answer that question with more questions. Why is Bert Newton still hosting TV shows? Why is Sam Newman still on TV kicking balls? It's simple: Australia loves old white men, especially if they've had work done. Although I have a special spot for 'Moonface', have you noticed that these plastic faced men look more and more like rich old women? The female TV personalities are sacked before they reach 35, but we like to re-bake this old mix of men to present shows that have less substance than white bread.
It's not that I'm ageist, I just think we should perhaps not apply the White Australia Policy to television. Unfortunately, it is not surprising that Hey Hey is back. Just like other things that didn't surprise me, like the Cronulla race riots and the fact that nothing has happened since the official 'Sorry' to actually help the indigenous people of this country.
What more can I say, 'Hey Hey, it's Yesterday'.
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